In SOAPSTAR Unfiltered, we speak with inspiring women about their wellness journey and life experiences. Nina van Hilst (@byninavanhilst) is a freelance writer and photographer who lives with her daughter Tala in Haarlem, the Netherlands.
Photography by Liz van Campenhout
"The best way to achieve more balance, in my view, is simply to buy less. On paper, that's the easiest path to sustainability and sustainable living."
Q: What are your thoughts on applying balance and sustainability in your life?
"The best way to achieve more balance, in my view, is simply to buy less. On paper, that's the easiest path to sustainability." Nina illustrates with an example: "If there's something you really want and can afford to buy - a product that might be a bit more expensive but of better quality, that can make me really happy, and I automatically treat it with more care. So if you use just a little bit instead of wasting it, you end up spending the same amount of money, but you consume less. And I in my opinion - this applies to everything - when you buy less and more thoughtfully, you also spend less.
The same goes for working less - you'll have more time for each other, for the things that truly matter. That's important to me. Instead of just buying more, working more, pushing myself beyond my limits, or forgetting my daughter because i'm working too much. Everything will start to feel a bit lost that way..."
Nina on durability: "I'd rather buy a beautiful hand soap that's a bit more expensive. Often it crosses my mind: I have a less special one in my bathroom compared to the one in the kitchen, and i'll end up walking to the kitchen anyway. I find that it smells the best after all. Every time I wash my hands with it, it makes me happy for a moment. That's a conscious moment of joy. For me, those are often found in the smaller things in life."
Q: Are there moments where you find it more difficult to compromise?
"Sometimes I can get ahead of myself - when I work too much, for example, I also start buying too much. Because I go, oh, I need to quickly get this or that. And then I'm not as conscious about it anymore. Just like with coffee - when you drink too much coffee, it becomes almost a sort of... that rushed feeling, you know?"
"There are days when I'm really tired. And on those days I buy certain chocolate that I don't actually want to buy. Like an impulse purchase to make myself feel better for a moment. Whereas if I think ahead, I'd rather buy really expensive chocolate that's a bit purer and have two pieces of it. And on those 'running-ahead-of-myself' days, I rush to the supermarket and buy a chocolate bar there that I eat all at once."
"When you keep racing, once you're in that express-train speed, you consume much more of everything. So I do have my periods where I think, oh shit, I've really bought too much. There's actually no good or bad, but then it does cross my mind: Oh, this isn't actually something I feel comfortable with. What have I been doing the past two months? Just running past myself and living past myself."
"Fortunately, I can also reflect: where does that actually come from? The moment I take a step back, I can make much more conscious choices. When I work less, make more time for exercise, eat healthier, my life is also much calmer, and vice versa."
Q: How do you find the balance between work and time for your daughter Tala?
"My life with Tala is mainly really enjoyable. Recently we went on a trip to Paris - We'll actively set up a plan on what we're going to do. You see the city in a different view that way, from her perspective, a way that you might not notice as an adult. She's with me most of the time in general and I'm on my own. My family lives far away and I don't have any backup in that regard. Yes, that's sometimes quite though, and I have to watch out for this: What I have, she has too."
"I often notice it directly in her behavior. If I let her have four playdates in a week, then she also starts pushing herself beyond her limits in everything. So then she sleeps late and is more restless, etc. When we take that step back, everything goes much better.
But somehow I can pay attention to it much better with her. I can easily say: A few less playdates, we already have a birthday party. When it comes to myself, I often still only see it afterwards. And then I go: Oh right, I'll do better next time. It just didn't go as I would have liked."
"When things don't run so smoothly, there could be eight loads of laundry lying in the hallway at home. And it's just the two of us. It will run through my mind: 'This is ridiculous, haha.' But that's the compromise I'll make. Because there was a demanding work project, or because she's sick and it's what gets neglected. Sometimes it reminds me of Pippi Longstocking's house and you shouldn't always want everything to be perfect. Because that simply won't work. I'll laugh it off: Ok, just don't walk there for now, ignore the hallway, the kitchen looks fine."
"In the past, my grandparents were always at our house. My mother had her own business. My father worked in Amsterdam. He wasn't around much either. My grandparents were really always there. That community feeling is very important to me - we do miss that here. But should I move back instead? No. That wouldn't make me happy either. Actually, it's better this way. When you realize that, you know why you're doing it. You'll think, well yes, this isn't ideal, but it's fine this way.
Acceptance is okay. My life is actually never... never in a fixed routine. My life will always be somewhat chaotic. It always was, but that's also what keeps it in balance."
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